Month: September 2023

Posted on

The Gym

I absolutely love going to the gym, it is my happy place. I feel so much better after going there and working out. I’ve had some health issues here of late that have kept me out of the gym for the last month or so. Well, things seemed to be “feeling better” so I wanted to start back to the gym and get back into my happy routine.

So over the weekend I got my gym bag ready and charged up my earbuds. I packed everything up and carried it all out to the car yesterday morning when leaving for work. I even started walking again at work, not as intense as I was doing before but I am walking at least once every hour.

I had all intentions of going to the gym yesterday after work. I even thought about it throughout my day. As the time drew closer for me to get off work and head to the gym I was getting a bit anxious. I’m not sure why it’s never happened before but I really didn’t give it much thought. It was kind of a nagging thought in the back of my head.

As I was getting into the last hour of work it was becoming more prevalent in my thoughts. As the hour was coming to a close and it was almost time for me to clock out I was feeling more and more anxious about the gym. I couldn’t understand it, I know I love the gym I was looking forward to going. But the anxiety was getting very strong the closer the hour came to a close. To the point it felt like I was having a panic attack.  So when I clocked out and when I reached my car I decided to go ahead and just head home. I felt relief but also disappointment in myself.

I’m not sure what happened or why I had this panic attack over going to the gym yesterday. Maybe it was a conscious premonition or some kind of conscious warning. I’m just not sure, I do know it is bothering me and I wish I could just figure it out.

Regardless of all that I did manage to go to the gym today and it felt wonderful! I was very proud of myself and what I accomplished today. I am hoping to have no more of these panic attacks when it comes to the gym.  Just hoping that the answer comes to me at some point. But I consider today a win!!!

Posted on

Leftovers

Have you ever left your leftovers out to cool before you put them in the fridge? Well, I like to do that because it’s just a preference of mine. I made spaghetti last night and as always when I put up the leftovers so I can wash the dishes I left them out on the counter so they can cool.

Well, I sat and watched my program for a little while even got up and made myself some dessert, which as you know would take me into the kitchen. Not paying any attention to the leftovers that I left on the counter to cool. Well I finish my dessert and my program, I get up to shut everything down and put my dishes in the sink. Again the leftovers are still sitting on the counter. Do I see them NO! I walk right past them and proceed to go to bed.

I get up in the morning and guess what I find, yep you guessed it my leftovers! So what I was planning on having for dinner tonight again I sadly had to toss. Now it will be a different dinner and a loss that I wasn’t counting on. Ugh, just one of those moments you want to kick yourself in the butt!

Posted on

Birthday

My birthday was this weekend and I came down to spend it with my daughter, mother, and stepdad. So far it has been a wonderful birthday. My wonderful daughter (she is my youngest, my baby 🙂 went through a lot of hard work making me the birthday cake you see here. It was so delicious and so very moist! She did such a good job! It made my birthday and me feel so good. Thank you, baby girl! I greatly appreciate it and you! My sister and I, before I headed out of town went out to dinner for my birthday. We went to a Chinese buffet and had a lovely time! Then came back to my place and had a nice cup of coffee.

My beloved did something so very very special for me! He ordered me a delicious birthday cake. It came in this beautiful box that when you open it, it flowers into all kinds of pretty scenery. We got on video call before I opened the box (my present) so he could watch me open it. When I opened it I discovered it also came with a birthday candle. I was very excited about this. I immediately opened the cake and put the candle in it, lit the candle, and right after I got it lit my beloved started singing Happy Birthday to me. This just made my day! When he was done I blew my candle out and had a very nice taste of my little birthday cake. It was a beautiful moment.

 

Saturday evening my brother and his wife treated us all out for dinner at Golden Corral.  We had a nice time and a nice meal. Good conversation and family always go well together. It was a nice birthday, normally I would just spend my Birthday alone but I decided this year I was going to spend it with family. It was worth the trip!

Posted on

“Friends” of Betrayal

You would think after knowing someone for over 11 years and developing a friendship with them you would be able to trust and know that the friendship is secure. I found out the hard way that isn’t the case. I had known this person for 11 years, I thought it was a good and secure friendship. But after he developed a relationship with another person and they became romantically involved things started to change. He became more distant from me.

I am sure y’all have experienced a situation where you’re watching your friend in a relationship that isn’t good for them. Well, this was one of those situations, I could see things happening that he was blind to. He claimed that he was in love with this person after knowing her for a week, yes now y’all know where it is I am coming from. I’m pretty sure y’all have come across a similar situation with your own family and friends. Well as a friend I was trying to warn him about what “I” was seeing and what “he” wasn’t. That turned out to be a bad idea, he was under the impression that I was just trying to break them up. I tried to explain to him that wasn’t at all what I was trying to do, I was just trying to protect him from any future hurt. Now in hindsight, I should have just kept my nose out of it.

He did in his own time see what it was I was seeing after the newness of the relationship wore off. So he broke off the relationship and said they were just going to be friends. And herein lies the rub! After the breakup, he started acting like himself and it seemed like things started to go back into play for our friendship. Boy, was I totally wrong about that, I found out from his own admission that he was telling her that I was out to break them up. That in itself hurt me but it also put a bad taste in her mouth for me. He told me he was going to correct it but I don’t believe he ever did.

Let me back up a bit he himself admitted to me that he was seeing now what I was trying to warn him about before. So hence as to why the breakup came to be. Then he admitted to me that he would never resume the relationship with her because it was just too much for him to handle. He told me that he needed to slowly stop talking to her and make her realize that they would only ever be friends. But he was doing the total opposite. He was starting to cut me off of text apps and other apps so I couldn’t see when he was online because he didn’t want me to know that he was actually leading this poor girl to believe there was a chance that they would reconcile. When it became apparent as to what he was doing I told him that that wasn’t right and he shouldn’t be leading her on like that, that she is only going to get hurt in the long run. Well, I guess he didn’t like my honesty and honestly, me butting in where I now realize again I should have just left it alone.

There is more to the story I could keep going but honestly I just don’t want to rehash the hurt. In the end he cut both her and I off. Deleted all communication and confessed that he just didn’t want to do it any more because it was too overwhelming for him. Like he was the one that was hurt by me, when it was him doing all the lying and backstabbing. This isn’t the first time he has done this but it has been many years since he did so I really didn’t think it would ever happen again. The last time this happened we stopped talking for a while and then he messaged and apologized for everything and we started talking again. I know he will do it again at some point but there just isn’t any going back for me this time. Sadly no matter how much it hurts the “friendship” is honestly too much for me to take. After he chose to obsolve the friendship it felt like there was a weight that was lifted off of me. My day’s wasn’t bombarded by always having to pay attention to him and his constant need for that attention . I have enjoyed the peace and quiet. I feel like I have my days back. I am saddened that I lost this friendship but in the end it’s what needed to happen for me. Like the old saying goes things happen for a reason.