“Friends” of Betrayal

“Friends” of Betrayal

You would think after knowing someone for over 11 years and developing a friendship with them you would be able to trust and know that the friendship is secure. I found out the hard way that isn’t the case. I had known this person for 11 years, I thought it was a good and secure friendship. But after he developed a relationship with another person and they became romantically involved things started to change. He became more distant from me.

I am sure y’all have experienced a situation where you’re watching your friend in a relationship that isn’t good for them. Well, this was one of those situations, I could see things happening that he was blind to. He claimed that he was in love with this person after knowing her for a week, yes now y’all know where it is I am coming from. I’m pretty sure y’all have come across a similar situation with your own family and friends. Well as a friend I was trying to warn him about what “I” was seeing and what “he” wasn’t. That turned out to be a bad idea, he was under the impression that I was just trying to break them up. I tried to explain to him that wasn’t at all what I was trying to do, I was just trying to protect him from any future hurt. Now in hindsight, I should have just kept my nose out of it.

He did in his own time see what it was I was seeing after the newness of the relationship wore off. So he broke off the relationship and said they were just going to be friends. And herein lies the rub! After the breakup, he started acting like himself and it seemed like things started to go back into play for our friendship. Boy, was I totally wrong about that, I found out from his own admission that he was telling her that I was out to break them up. That in itself hurt me but it also put a bad taste in her mouth for me. He told me he was going to correct it but I don’t believe he ever did.

Let me back up a bit he himself admitted to me that he was seeing now what I was trying to warn him about before. So hence as to why the breakup came to be. Then he admitted to me that he would never resume the relationship with her because it was just too much for him to handle. He told me that he needed to slowly stop talking to her and make her realize that they would only ever be friends. But he was doing the total opposite. He was starting to cut me off of text apps and other apps so I couldn’t see when he was online because he didn’t want me to know that he was actually leading this poor girl to believe there was a chance that they would reconcile. When it became apparent as to what he was doing I told him that that wasn’t right and he shouldn’t be leading her on like that, that she is only going to get hurt in the long run. Well, I guess he didn’t like my honesty and honestly, me butting in where I now realize again I should have just left it alone.

There is more to the story I could keep going but honestly I just don’t want to rehash the hurt. In the end he cut both her and I off. Deleted all communication and confessed that he just didn’t want to do it any more because it was too overwhelming for him. Like he was the one that was hurt by me, when it was him doing all the lying and backstabbing. This isn’t the first time he has done this but it has been many years since he did so I really didn’t think it would ever happen again. The last time this happened we stopped talking for a while and then he messaged and apologized for everything and we started talking again. I know he will do it again at some point but there just isn’t any going back for me this time. Sadly no matter how much it hurts the “friendship” is honestly too much for me to take. After he chose to obsolve the friendship it felt like there was a weight that was lifted off of me. My day’s wasn’t bombarded by always having to pay attention to him and his constant need for that attention . I have enjoyed the peace and quiet. I feel like I have my days back. I am saddened that I lost this friendship but in the end it’s what needed to happen for me. Like the old saying goes things happen for a reason.

2 thoughts on ““Friends” of Betrayal

  1. Whenever someone treats another like this, it really burns me up inside. Worse yet is when it happens to someone I care for a great deal. You’ve been there for this person through thick and thin and this really isn’t the first time this has happened between you. Just the same, I’ve kept my counsel to myself for the most part, only giving you my advice when asked for it. I’m glad that when you need it, you come to me and DO ask for my opinion, advice, what have you, but being your own person, you make decisions on your own. That too is one of many things that I really like about you.

    We’ve talked about this many times over the past months and years (and more recently since this happened) but in the end I think you did your due diligence for him and HE’s the only one at fault here. He’s had more than enough time to make it right between you, but selfishly, he chose to lie to you, dissemble and attempt to deceive you in terms of what he was intending to do with this other woman. Leading her on as well wasn’t the best choice on his part either.

    I certainly wish he could have been more adult about the whole affair.

    1. I very much agree with you, the sad thing is I don’t think he will ever change because he is such a selfish person and only thinks of his needs. He also makes himself always the victim. So unless something drastic happens he will continue with this course and hurt other people in the process. I believe he has narcissistic tendencies. I am happy though that I am no longer in his web of lies. Thank you always for your counsel and true friendship.

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