Tag: generosity

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I Went to My First Swinger Party Last Night

It was an interesting experience, I was excited to go and I even wore a bit of a sexy outfit. But I must admit after being there for an hour or so I regretted my choice of clothing. You see this particular swinger party was a bit geriatric! The beginning of the party was going fairly well after I arrived with some friends of mine I also discovered other friends of mine had also shown up. I was very happy about that, I love to socialize. Which are a very big step for me and a very big change considering I am most definitely an introvert. But if I am pushed just a bit I will venture out into the world of kink events.

Well, when I first arrived we went in the front door and through the house making our way to the backyard. They had chairs and such set up around a burn pit on a concrete patio. It was very nice looking and relaxing. We sat around and was have some nice conversations with my friends that had attended this event. After a while, I and some other friends of mine were curious about what goes on inside so we all ventured upstairs to take a look. What we saw wasn’t very surprising to see but I must admit it was a bit different. You see my career is taking care of the elderly so seeing a naked elderly isn’t really a big deal considering I’ve seen just about any kind of naked elderly person in my 30+ years of doing this. But to see the elderly in action was a totally different ballgame! I may never look at my clients the same way again! I must say though I sure hope I am that spry at that age.

Ok, back to the subject I was originally on, my choice of clothing. I will attend another party but I will not adventure in sexy clothing. I felt like I was fresh meat in a room full of wolves!! Being one of the younger people there (there were a few of us) it was like open season for the geriatrics! One of them got a little too handsy for me when I was in the process of leaving, which rubbed my comfort level a bit too much and gave me a lot of pause in my consideration of attending another party. But this person was a little inebriated so I am going to give them the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t share that part with my SO so I am sure after he reads this there will be some questions and also some explanations.

But all in all, I did have a nice time. I am excited about the next party and I look forward to seeing my friends and sitting around the fire while we have nice conversations. Until the next time……..

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I Don’t Know Where This Will Go

I haven’t made a journal entry in quite some time, I thought maybe I’ll give it another try so here I go. It’s been kind of a whirlwind since the beginning of this year. A lot of things have changed and well we are all just trying to make it day by day.

When I was married raising my children taking care of my husband’s needs as well as the household everything seemed to be in order. I knew what I needed to do day by day, I stayed so busy that I really didn’t have time to think about myself. Or the fact of the matter is I never truly thought about myself. I focused on my kids and my husband at the time.

My two marriages were not easy ones. But I did survive them, just like I survived my childhood. See that’s just it, I am a survivor, I am strong and can make it through any hurdle life throws my way. So I thought, this year seems to be kicking my ass. The things I use to be able to handle and control are now controlling me. I have moments where I am truly happy in my life I mean I am so happy and satisfied where my life is now. And then there are moments when I feel like the world is crashing down on me, I feel alone and abandoned by everyone even though I know I am not. I know I am loved and wanted but something is catching up to me and I am not sure how to handle or control it. I focused so much energy on taking care of others that I never gave myself a second thought. And now that I am alone and there is only me in my household I have no one to focus on but myself. That is not necessarily a good thing.

It’s been suggested to me many times to seek counseling of any kind. That I really need to get help from someone else to be able to handle what is catching up to me. And of course, I would think “I don’t need counseling, I’ve handled this on my own for this long and can continue to do so”. Yeah, I am just lying to myself and I know I am.

You see I’m not used to talking to other people I am not used to telling people my troubles, I’m used to people telling me their problems and helping them fix them. But here of late, I am noticing that it is getting harder and harder for me to handle my past that is obviously coming back to haunt me. I have noticed that ever since I lost my middle child to suicide things have been a lot harder to deal with. Now it has definitely gotten to the point where I am not handling them I am burying them. But they are not staying buried they keep popping right back up to the surface to haunt me again.

I know I need to seek counseling, I know that if I don’t I may land somewhere I don’t want to be. It just isn’t as easy as just picking up a phone and making the appointment. It is a huge step and well I am trying very hard to work my way up to it.

I am going to end my journal entry here for the day. I am feeling a bit raw and way too open. I thank you for indulging in my ramblings and reading it to the end.