Starting Over…..Nervous and Scared

Starting Over…..Nervous and Scared

Well, my husband and I are getting divorced after 14 years of being together.

I’m excited that I will be happier. That my life will lead to bigger and better things. That I will finally feel free to explore what I wish. To be able to do as I please. To not have to worry about answering to someone else!  To be able to go out and purchase something for me and not feel guilty about it! I’m excited to finally live MY life!

I’m nervous about being on my own. I have been with this man for 14 years and we always did everything together. I never went out on my own and did something. Never just had a girl’s night out. Never just went and hung out with friends. Never went shopping or anything. We were ALWAYS together. That was my mistake. I have made myself so Dependant on this man that I’m nervous about starting over. And that is just not who I am. I have always led this marriage. I have always been a decision-maker. I have always done it all but be on my own. So now here I am sitting here with all these conflicting emotions running through my head. But knowing what I must do for me.

I’m scared of taking that first step. Creating my own independent life. Hell, I haven’t even figured out what that first step is. There is so much I want to do!  So much I want to begin!  But this damn fear is holding me back. I know I’m a strong woman!  I know I’m an independent woman!  So why the hell do I have these fears! ???? I don’t want them. I don’t want to be afraid to step out of my own front door and start my life! But nonetheless, they are there holding me back.

Sighs I know I need to take that first step for me. I feel it inside of myself. Sadly right now it’s buried in fear and I feel as if I’m just all over the place.

To be continued…….

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