Now if you have read my last entry ‘The New Discovery I made about myself’ you would have read where our D/s done a “switcharoo” as Daddy would call it. lol Yes we reversed roles, and it is the best thing we could have ever done for one another. As I said in my last entry I couldn’t be happier, and that is coming from deep withing my heart and soul, I truly couldn’t be happier! Let me delve into myself a little. You see I am a Dominant to an extent, there are things I do enjoy doing as a Dominant, but I feel it is not where ‘I’ truly feel I am me! I believe I enjoy being Dominant in a ‘scene’ but to be responsible for someone on a 24/7 or less relationship, I feel it just isn’t me. I am a very kind hearted person. I am also a bit of a push over. I don’t like to hurt peoples feelings which in turn is a bad thing. Because then it is my feelings that seem to always get hurt. My heart that seems to always get broken. I am strong when it comes to protecting my family and my friends. I am strong when it comes to protecting weaker people. I am strong when there is a time for a leader to take lead and protect or solve a problem. But I am not strong when it comes to me. I always put myself last or just not at all. I hide the pain that is inflicted upon me and carry on protecting or leading whoever it is hurting me.I have always done this. Why you ask?
Because I AM a strong woman, but I am also a submissive who was lead by selfish and hurtful people, they truly didn’t care about me and what they were doing to me. Slowly killing what was left of my soul. Pushing me deeper and deeper into that dark place I never wanted to come out of. It was misery, it was so lonely, it was scary and it was so very very cold. But minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, year after year. I lived this sad and lonely life. Searching, looking, roaming around this world looking for the right one to give myself to. To proudly bestow my gift upon them. I began to lose hope. I began to wonder, am I truly going to find the one who will care for me. The one who will lead me into a happier, warmer life. I didn’t think I ever was. I figured I was doomed to live the cold and lonely life until the lord above called me home.
I felt as if I was in a fetal position in a deep dark pit. I would look above watching as the top of the pit kept closing in, getting smaller and smaller till it was almost impossible to see the sunshine any more. But then…………….
Here comes the man, this angel, my saving grace. He peered down into the small opening and looked upon me. I weakly lifted up my head and peered at the top. He smiled down at me and I felt a bit of warmth. I tried to smile back up at him but I was weak, so I just laid my head back down and waited for the darkness to enfold upon me. But this man he wasn’t having any of that! He started digging at the top of the pit, slowly the sunshine started peering through little by little, getting brighter with each dig he made. He dug and he dug, there were times that he got tired and the light again started fading. Again I laid down my head but this time I wasn’t ready to give up! This time something inside me started glowing, it started warming my cold heart, it was giving me renewed strength! I slowly lifted my head up ever so slightly to peer at my angel, he sees my movements and looks down at me in the dark pit. Our eyes connect and he sees something different in my eyes, he sees the reflection of what it is he always knew was there, what it is that his own heart needed and truly felt. He seen what it is he has been seeking for so long! I see the realization come into his eyes, I smile. I weakly started to raise my arm, reaching out my hand to him. He took the closing hole by each side wretched it open in one swift pull!!!!! Reached down and grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the dark cold pit! Slamming me into his arms, enfolding me in his warmth, strength and love! He cradled me and I burrowed deep inside his arms feeling all the things I was looking for but thought never existed. I laid my hand upon his heart, through it I let it flow into him, I gave myself to him, I gave him all of me, my loyalty, my devotion, my love, my submission, my gift. He now owns it all. I call him my Daddy.
So you see I was once broken but now I am whole. No longer do I have to put on a mask and brave the hurtful world. I am protected, I am loved. I am now myself.
Now Daddy would say I am putting him on a pedestal, but this isn’t true Daddy. I am sharing with you and the world what it is I feel. It is hard to express what it is you truly feel inside of you, you can’t express it in mere words alone. But your actions could write a novel on all the feelings you want to say. I love you Daddy with all my heart and soul. I am your’s, I am your property, I am your babygirl, I am your slave, I am very proudly your submissive. No one will ever own me as you do Daddy. NO ONE!