Category: BDSM

I’m kneeling on my sub pillow awaiting my Master’s arrival. It’s situated at the front door, so it’s the first view he gets when he enters his house. I am naked,my legs folded underneath me,hands palm down on my knees. All I have on is my collar with my leash attached to it,laying down between my knees so he can grab it as he wishes. My head slightly bowed. I wait patiently for his arrival.

I hear his car pull into the drive, excitement runs through my body as I wait for him to walk through the door. I hear the key in the lock,the doorknob turns and he walks in. He reaches down and grabs my leash. I immediately stand and follow behind him,two steps behind. He didn’t give me his normal greeting. This tells me he has had a bad day at work.

He walks to his chair and sits,immediately I kneel beside him. I wait, finally he reaches down and starts carressing my head. I know now I may speak.

‘May I bring you a drink Master?’ He nods. I stand and go get his favorite drink, bringing it back to him. Kneeling in front of him I bow my head and hold his drink out to him. He waits before he takes it. I hold it patiently. Waiting, waiting. He finally takes it and I take my position back beside his leg.

‘May I make your meal Master?’ I ask him. He nods, no. I want to ease my Master’s stress. I want to help him relax. So I ask him. ‘May I ease your stress Master?’ He nods, yes. He reaches down and unhooks my leash. I stand and walk to our dungeon. I look around trying to find the perfect paddle that will make him happy. As I look upon the wall where they hang my eyes light up as I spot it! Taking it down I walk back to him. Kneeling in front of him I bow my head and hold the paddle out to him. Again he makes me wait, but this time it is longer. The paddle starts to get heavier my outstretched arms start to shake slighty, but I remain in position and wait for him to take it. Feels as if hours have past, my arms shake more. I can feel my muscles as they strain to keep in position. Finally he reaches and takee the paddle from me. I stand and lay his property over his lap.

I feel his hand as he caresses my body, roaming my back, my ass. I shiver as the feel of his hands on me gets me excited. Anticipation,fear courses through me. Suddenly he comes down hard on my ass with his bare hand,hitting each cheeck. Warming me as he colors his property. Pain and pleasure start to build, I can feel the wettness build between my legs. I stay in position taking whatever my Master needs. He stops and starts rubbing where he just warmed. I inhale sharply as I feel the sting of the spanking. Still I remain still. I feel him move around, again no warning as the paddle comes down hard on my ass. I jump at the first blow but then hold my body still. Blow after blow the paddle comes down on my ass! I try to not clench my ass cheeks as they burn and sting from his ministrations. I’m very turned on,my thighs wet from my juices. The pain and pleasure bringing me high, I’m floatimg now in subspace. He continues administering the strikes. Blow after blow, I feel tears as they start to run down my face. I remain still. Floating so high it is only him and I in the world.

He stops, I hear the paddle hit the floor. I feel drained and weak,excited and loved. He reaches down and pulls me into a sitting position on his lap. I inhale sharply as the sting and burn from the spanking run through me. Wrapping my arms around him and nuzzling into him, I feel whole. He pulls me into his embrace and holds me close to him. Turning his head he wipes the tears from my eyes and kisses my cheek whispering in my ear, ‘Thank you my slave,you have made me very pleased. I’m proud of how well you did.’ Tears still running down my cheeks from the pain and his words. I am loved. He continues, ‘I feel better now, more relaxed. You did that for me. You knew exactly what I needed. Thank you my pet!’

Joy courses through me, I am so happy! We sit there like that for a while longer as he soothes me and caresses my body. And l eventually get up and cook my Masters meal and then serve him.

I am a blessed slave.

Earlier today I created a Tumblr account. I am excited about it and exploring new things I will discover. As I was doing so I remembered my Daddy had sent me a link to his. So I went and retrieved the link and went to his Tumblr. I was very much enjoying what I was looking at, then I came across a comment he had made on another slave’s picture. Automatically I became jealous and worrisome, not out of mistrust towards my Daddy but out of my own insecurities. I know in my heart, mind, and soul that I truly belong to him. I know our future is written in stone and we will be together forever! But my past my mind has a tendency to come back and haunt me. As hard as I may I try not to let it infringe upon my present. But it always has a way of seeping in. My Daddy told me that it will, with time and hard work between the two of us eventually fade and not even be an afterthought. I wait eagerly for that day to come. But until then it continues to haunt me. And it builds fear within me that it will do damage to our D/s. And I know what my Daddy will tell me, he would say, no babygirl it isn’t going to damage us if nothing else we will overcome it together. And I do believe him, I just wish my mind would listen to his words and make the hauntings go away.

All my life I have either been left behind, forgotten, overlooked, or abandoned. On top of being taken advantage of used and abused. As if I am nothing more than a discarded piece of trash. But I have to admit, ever since I met my Daddy my life has changed in ways I would have never imagined. I have discovered new feelings that I never knew truly existed. Feelings I have NEVER experienced until I met my Daddy. So I thank you with all my heart Daddy for loving me. For making me feel worthy of your love!

I know it will be a long hard journey, I know the hauntings will come and go. But my Daddy helps me to be strong and shows me that I am not just a discarded piece of trash, but a human being who does deserve to be loved.

I woke up to a very nice message from my Daddy this morning (as always). I very much look forward to those messages every day! Well, his headache finally went away! Yay! And so I waited for his lunch break. He had an early shift today so that means you really never know when he will take lunch. So I sat here waiting for him to go to lunch so we could have our normal lunch text. Also, I needed the reassurance again from him that it was ok to go to lunch with my friend today (read lunch with a friend) it was getting later and later and still Daddy hadn’t taken his lunch yet. Ok yup (no surprise) I started stressing, not only was I missing my Daddy and really wanted to chat with him, but I needed that reassurance again. Sooooo here comes the stress (even more) I thought ok maybe he already took his lunch, maybe he isn’t going to text till after work. “That’s it I’m canceling the lunch! And just as I was getting ready to text him and cancel it Daddy finally text me!!!!!! RELIEF!!!!!

So I did get to talk to Daddy before my friend got here, it was a pleasant conversation, it always is with Daddy. I got the reassurance again that I needed and it eased some of the stress. I also wanted Daddy to approve the shirt I had on so I took a picture of it and sent it to him. He approved, so I did well! So I went to lunch and got back in time to have the video chat with my Daddy! The highlight of my week! Again, as usual, I had a nice chat with Daddy.

Well, during our chat Daddy told me that he twisted his bad wrist again, this sets off the Dominant side in me, I hate it when my Daddy hurts or gets hurt. So I may have got a little firm with him and wearing his wrist brace when he got home. But it is only because I worry about Daddy when he is hurt, I care so much for him and want him to be well. I don’t want him in pain and when it happens I want it fixed! So yes I did maybe overstep just a bit, but it is only because I have this need to take care of him. Very strong need! I love him! But he didn’t get upset with me, he chuckled a bit and ‘gently’ reminded me who is in charge. I immediately felt his Dominance take over and felt myself ease back to where I belong, where I want to be. But just know Daddy it is only because I care for you so much! So now I sit here the end of my day writing about it in my journal. Today had it’s ups and downs but in the end, it was a pleasant day!

Now if you have read my last entry ‘The New Discovery I made about myself’ you would have read where our D/s done a “switcharoo” as Daddy would call it. lol Yes we reversed roles, and it is the best thing we could have ever done for one another. As I said in my last entry I couldn’t be happier, and that is coming from deep withing my heart and soul, I truly couldn’t be happier! Let me delve into myself a little. You see I am a Dominant to an extent, there are things I do enjoy doing as a Dominant, but I feel it is not where ‘I’ truly feel I am me!  I believe I enjoy being Dominant in a ‘scene’ but to be responsible for someone on a 24/7 or less relationship, I feel it just isn’t me. I am a very kind hearted  person. I am also a bit of a push over. I don’t like to hurt peoples feelings which in turn is a bad thing. Because then it is my feelings that seem to always get hurt. My heart that seems to always get broken. I am strong when it comes to protecting my family and my friends. I am strong when it comes to protecting weaker people. I am strong when there is a time for a leader to take lead and protect or solve a problem. But I am not strong when it comes to me. I always put myself last or just not at all. I hide the pain that is inflicted upon me and carry on protecting or leading whoever it is hurting me.I have always done this. Why you ask?

Because I AM a strong woman, but I am also a submissive who was lead by selfish and hurtful people, they truly didn’t care about me and what they were doing to me. Slowly killing what was left of my soul. Pushing me deeper and deeper into that dark place I never wanted to come out of. It was misery, it was so lonely, it was scary and it was so very very cold. But minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, year after year. I lived this sad and lonely life. Searching, looking, roaming around this world looking for the right one to give myself to. To proudly bestow my gift upon them. I began to lose hope. I began to wonder, am I truly going to find the one who will care for me. The one who will lead me into a happier, warmer life. I didn’t think I ever was. I figured I was doomed to live the cold and lonely life until the lord above called me home.

I felt as if I was in a fetal position in a deep dark pit. I would look above watching as the top of the pit kept closing in, getting smaller and smaller till it was almost impossible to see the sunshine any more. But then…………….

Here comes the man, this angel, my saving grace. He peered down into the small opening and looked upon me. I weakly lifted up my head and peered at the top. He smiled down at me and I felt a bit of warmth. I tried to smile back up at him but I was weak, so I just laid my head back down and waited for the darkness to enfold upon me. But this man he wasn’t having any of that! He started digging at the top of the pit, slowly the sunshine started peering through little by little, getting brighter with each dig he made. He dug and he dug, there were times that he got tired and the light again started fading. Again I laid down my head but this time I wasn’t ready to give up! This time something inside me started glowing, it started warming my cold heart, it was giving me renewed strength! I slowly lifted my head up ever so slightly to peer at my angel, he sees my movements and looks down at me in the dark pit. Our eyes connect and he sees something different in my eyes, he sees the reflection of what it is he always knew was there, what it is that his own heart needed and truly felt. He seen what it is he has been seeking for so long! I see the realization come into his eyes, I smile. I weakly started to raise my arm, reaching out  my hand to him. He took the closing hole by each side wretched it open in one swift pull!!!!! Reached down and grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the dark cold pit! Slamming me into his arms, enfolding me in his warmth, strength and love! He cradled me and I burrowed deep inside his arms feeling all the things I was looking for but thought never existed. I laid my hand upon his heart, through it I let it flow into him, I gave myself to him, I gave him all of me, my loyalty, my devotion, my love, my submission, my gift. He now owns it all. I call him my Daddy.

So you see I was once broken but now I am whole. No longer do I have to put on a mask and brave the hurtful world. I am protected, I am loved. I am now myself.

Now Daddy would say I am putting him on a pedestal, but this isn’t true Daddy. I am sharing with you and the world what it is I feel.  It is hard to express what it is you truly feel inside of you, you can’t express it in mere words alone. But your actions could write a novel on all the feelings you want to say. I love you Daddy with all my heart and soul. I am your’s, I am your property, I am your babygirl, I am your slave, I am very proudly your submissive. No one will ever own me as you do Daddy. NO ONE!

As everyone knows I am a proud owner of a wonderful sub ‘my boy’!

I also run a secret BDSM group on Facebook. I made this group so people may join express themselves freely without worry of judgement. Also to meet other like minded people. A group where all can freely be themselves.

And of course naturally you will have subs join this group. Some are strong willed and understand that I am just an administrator. Than there are some who are so needy but respectful your not real sure how to handle them without hurting them. My problem is I have way to big of a heart and would feel horrible if I hurt an innocent sub. Also another draw back is my lack of experience in being a Mistress (work in progress). I have been going on my instincts as well as what knowledge I have gained so far. But still not enough (for me)  to not worry about handling a sub who is looking at me for the wrong reasons. Even when I have politely told him, I am not nor will I ever be his Mistress. I suppose what I am saying is it bothers me, it bothers me that because of my lack of knowledge I don’t feel confident enough to direct this sub in the proper direction without hurting him. (That is extremely hard for me to admit)  but I refuse to do something I know not how to do. I could ineptly damage this sub.

Sighs so I ask, how do you gently let them down without also damaging your own confidence?

I know I still have many years to get where I want to be. I still have many years to build myself up. I’m ok with this does it annoy me? Well yes sometimes but I believe that is a natural thing to feel at times. I have also been blessed with a sub who fits perfectly to me and where I am at right now. Not only is he my sub but he is also helping me along my journey and he will never know how very much that means to me!  He is such a beautiful person, a very handsome boy! As well as my confident, my protector, my fountain of knowledge! He is the ying to my yang!  Smiles. Ok I am a bit proud what can a girl say!!!!  ?

Anyway back to the subject, how do you let down an innocent sub?  Also are we (Mistresses)  really that far and few in-between? I get bombarded by e-mail as well as my latest situation with subs. Some innocent some not so innocent. It just boggles my brain that there are only a handful of us. I mean I see them on sites everywhere!  So are they not true Dommes as well? I am just stumped.

I just don’t understand how someone can claim to be something but they are portraying themselves falsely. (You learn hard lessons in the journey of life. But learning from these mistakes is what makes you a better person) I mean isn’t that alot of work!  You would have to tell lies as well as remember them!  Than make up this whole fake person!  Ugh no thank you!!  Why would you even want to?!  Maybe I am just naive or stuck back in the 80’s. Who knows but I believe in being who you are truthfully. If people like you great!  If not than I wish them well.

Just a bothersome situation I had today. I truly wish I could help this sub as well as all the other innocent ones but sadly I am just not there yet and it does make me feel bad for them as well as in myself. ? But I will not lead falsely. It just isn’t right.

I hope he finds what he seeks as well as the other true subs out there. Just please people be yourself it is so much more rewarding than trying to be something your not.

To my boy thank you again for giving me the gift of you as well as everything else you do for me.

Well, this will be my very first post in this wonderful “reprieve” my boy set up for me. He is my joy and my fulfillment.

My boy is going through a rough time right now and it has me very concerned. I want so badly to be there with him so I can hold him and comfort him, ease his worry and his pain. I want to be able to go to all his appointments and hold his hand or just be there beside him where he can feel me physically there holding him up and supporting him.

But alas with our situations the way they are we are unable to physically be together. (Very hard at times)  But I reach out to him with what tools I am lucky enough to have thanks to our wondrous technology. I have great faith that my boy can feel as well as knows that I care and I am there. We will both get you (my boy)  through this. Stay strong for me my precious boy. I have you right here in my arms.

I wanted to make this my first post because this is what has been on my mind most and foremost for a while now.

Also, I want my boy to know how very pleased I am with my reprieve. I love it!  Good boy!  Thank you!